Grief is one of the hardest things we face as human beings. Over the past few weeks, I’ve had the sacred privilege of sitting with families in the depths of that pain. Each situation has been unique. One had been long expected. Another was the culmination of a long and difficult struggle. And one came as a complete shock to all family and friends. Despite their differences, all three situations had two things in common: those who are grieving are in profound pain, and friends gathered to surround these families with support and care.
In witnessing these moments, I’ve been reminded of the intense value of community, especially in times of great pain. Togetherness is like a balm for a broken heart. In the same way that “many hands make light work,” many hearts can help make grief more bearable. In short, being together helps us endure. And yet, stepping into someone else’s grief can feel intimidating. We might not know what to say or how to help. But the good news is that it doesn’t have to be complicated—though it may feel uncomfortable at times.
I’d like to offer two simple suggestions for those who want to show up for others in grief. The first, and most important thing, is simply to be present. Just show up. Look them in the eye, give a hug if it feels appropriate, and sit with them. You don’t need to have answers or know what their future holds. Your presence alone is a powerful reminder that they’re not alone. If being there in person isn’t possible, reach out in whatever way you can — a call, a text, or even a simple note. Making contact is what matters.
A word of caution here: avoid platitudes. They might feel comforting to say, but they rarely bring comfort. Statements like, “God doesn’t give you more than you can bear” can cause more harm than good. While well-meaning, they tend to oversimplify grief and distort the depth of human suffering. Instead, just being there – quietly, humbly – is enough. The second key is to listen. We have two ears and one mouth for a reason, and in moments of grief, we should be listening far more than speaking. People who are grieving are trying to process the most difficult experience humans face. Listening is a sacred act, one that allows them the space to sort through their feelings.
The beauty of listening is that you can’t get it wrong. You won’t accidentally say the wrong thing or make matters worse when you are simply present and attentive. If you’re unsure, a short, thoughtful question can show that you are engaged, but be careful not to let your own fears shape your words. Questions like, “What are you going to do now?” can feel overwhelming and intrusive. Instead, let them lead, and be a quiet, supportive presence.
Supporting one another in times of grief is part of our better human nature, and as followers of Christ, we have an even higher calling. Galatians 6:2 reminds us to “bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” It’s not only part of our human nature but also God’s will that we care for one another. So this week, if you know someone walking through grief, consider reaching out. Show up. Listen. That simple act can make a world of difference.
